Now 40% more grease than regular grease

We Got All The Greases That You Please.

Room grease. Floor grease. Grease for things. Grease that you put in the room. Since whenever Gary started, we've been the Tri-County's #1 source of slippery solutions to problems you didn't know were grease problems.

Shop All Grease Visit Grease Labs

🧪

Lab Tested**In a lab Gary built in the back

🛢️

Free Shipping Over 55 GallonsWe ship by rolling the barrel

🤝

Gary Loves YouLegally binding (see footer)

⚠️

Slip GuaranteeNot our problem once you leave the building

Shop By Department

Every department is grease. We checked.

Room GreaseFor rooms

Love & LipsFor "infection"

IndustrialCauses 90% of falls

ParanormalTalk to the dead

PetBulldogs mostly

Food GreaseNot a food

Best-Selling Grease

Personally inspected by Gary. Inspection consists of Gary looking at it.

Gary rolling a giant red grease drum down a suburban street, knocking over mailboxes

Free shipping over 55 gallons

We Roll It Right To Your Door.

Every 55-gallon drum is hand-delivered by Gary himself, by rolling it. Down the street. Through the mailboxes. Up your driveway. If you're not home, he'll roll it back and try again tomorrow. And the next day. Gary does not stop.

Limited time · every night

The Midnight Special

Come down to the warehouse at exactly 3:00 AM for the deepest discounts in grease. You MUST whisper your order. If you talk at a normal volume Gary gets confused and may give you the wrong grease, or get real mad.

Buy one drum, get a second drum you didn't ask for
10% off for anyone named Keith
10% off for any literal seagull with valid ID
Free Tahitian Treat while supplies last (Lil Stain Nick drank them)

Get Directions

Gary whispering from a warehouse loading dock at 3 AM under a full moon

Time until the Midnight Special--:--:--Whisper ready? Bring cash and a towel.

Gary's Grease Laboratories

Where the magic happens. "Magic" is the word our attorney asked us to use instead of "the incident."

Gary's mad-scientist grease laboratory full of bubbling green flasks and dripping pipes

Mix Your Own Grease™

Our patent-pending Grease Configurator lets you design a custom grease from scratch. Every combination has been tested on Dale.

1. Pick a base

2. Pick a scent

3. Additive

4. Thickness:

Research & Development

Experiment 51: a grease can greasing another grease can while lab techs flee

LAB LOG, WEEK 69
· Experiment 44-B (grease-flavored grease): tastes like grease. Success.
· Experiment 51 (grease that greases other grease): infinite loop. Building evacuated.
· Experiment 52: Gary asked if we can make "grease but louder." Still working on it.
· Ghost Grease batch #3 now speaks Portuguese. Unclear which ghost.
· Reminder: the green barrels are NOT the break room soup.

⚗️ Safety Notice: Rumors that our experimental grease caused customers to grow extra limbs are, according to our attorney Hal Toddman of Jones, Jones & Jones, "kind of true." Additional appendages are considered a BONUS FEATURE and are not grounds for a lawsuit.

Doug calmly drinking coffee while a pipe pours grease onto his head

DougSenior Viscosity Technician. 31 years. Has never once been dry.

Earl, arms crossed, guarding a row of grease barrels

EarlBarrel Supervisor. Sits on the barrels so they don't "get ideas."

Merle squinting at a test tube of grease

MerleQuality Control. Rates every batch "pretty greasy." Has never been wrong.

Dale, a cheerful green-tinged test subject with four arms giving four thumbs up

DaleVolunteer test subject, Ghost Grease trial. Doing great. Do not make eye contact. Do not feed after 3 AM.

Gary's Grease Game Room

Two games. Worldwide leaderboards. Zero educational value.

Endless runner

Slick Delivery

Roll the 55-gallon drum to the customer. Jump the mailboxes, double-jump Larry's van, don't hit the seagull.

Play Slick Delivery

2-minute shift

Grease Lab Rush

Mix custom grease orders before the customers walk out to Larry's. Every bad batch gets tested on Dale.

Play Grease Lab Rush

Gary in his lab coat and goggles, arms crossed, in front of an oil painting of himself

Young Gary with his station wagon and one barrel: day one of Gary's Grease

Our Story

Meet Gary Fritzipple, Founder & Chief Grease Officer

Gary grew up the way a lot of great American inventors did: confused, and covered in something. While other kids asked "why is the sky blue," young Gary asked "what if it was greasier." Nobody had an answer. So he decided to become one.

Gary started Gary's Grease out of the back of a station wagon with one barrel, a dream, and a funnel he refuses to talk about. Today the Gary's Grease family includes a warehouse, a laboratory, a donkey, and a legal team. Gary still answers the phone himself, especially when you don't want him to.

Gary believes grease is the answer to every problem known to mankind. When asked to name one problem grease can't fix, Gary thought about it for eleven minutes and then said "dry grease."

"I haven't been drinking today. Four, five beers, thank you very much."
– Gary

Talk To A Grease Specialist

Our hotline is staffed 24/7 by Gary, a grease specialist named Gary, who is Gary. Press the button and Gary will pick up.

Line 1 · idlePress the button. Gary is waiting. Gary is always waiting.

Calls may be recorded for quality assurance, and also for the show.

Gary on an old wood-cabinet TV set: As Seen On TV

As Heard On The Radio

Our award-adjacent radio spots, as heard on The Chill With IceCat.

💿

Hear all 47 tracks on the albumGrease 'n' Gags: The Gary Fritzipple Collection →

What Our Customers Are Saying

4.9 out of 5 stars from 69 reviews. All satisfied customers featured are unpaid voice actors.

★★★★★

"Bought the Room Grease. Put it in the room. The room is now greased. Exactly as described."

★★★★★

"Applied the Ghost Grease to my ears and spoke with my late uncle Donald Duckerson. He says hi and that I owe him forty dollars."

★★★★☆

"Anti-Slip Grease caused me to slip. Gary says that's on me because I'd already left the building. Fair."

★★★★★

"I went at 3 AM and whispered my order. Gary whispered back 'what?' for twenty minutes. Best customer service I've ever had."

A smug seagull holding up its own photo ID

★★★★★

"Squawk. Squawk squawk. SQUAWK."

★☆☆☆☆

"Larry's Grease down the street is way better and also—"

Customer Questions & Answers

Real questions, answered by our staff of one.

What's the viscosity of your Room Grease?

I don't know, I'm not a super genius. You gotta come in and see how thick it is yourself. – Gary, Gary's Grease

Is Room Grease safe for rooms?

Look. You know how there's grease for things? This is the grease that you put in the room. – Gary

Can I eat the Food Grease?

Food Grease is grease FOR food, not grease that IS food. Probably shouldn't put it in your mouth cuz it might be poisonous. – Gary

Are you affiliated with Larry's Grease?

We will sue you for breach of contract for mentioning that name on our premises. This website is our premises. – Hal Toddman, Jones, Jones & Jones

Is Gary's Grease associated with DLSI?

Gary's Grease is NOT associated with DLSI. We have a whole commercial about it. Please stop asking. – Gary's Grease Public Relations (Gary)

I slipped on a big ol' spot of grease in your parking lot.

Ah, you can't be bugged with such a little thing. Gary's Grease is not responsible for this. – Gary

Jar of the recalled grease product, stamped RECALLED, with a note: it was supposed to say Gondola

Voluntary Recall: Gary's "G-Grease" (Jar, Orange & Blue Label)

Gary's Grease is voluntarily recalling one (1) jar product due to a labeling error. The word on the label is not the word Gary meant. Gary meant "Gondola." It was supposed to be Gondola Grease, for gondolas. We do not know how this happened. Our sign guy has been spoken to.

If you have this product, do not apply it to anything, including gondolas. Return it to any Gary's Grease location (there is one) for a full refund in store credit, or a hug from Gary.

Recall #GG-0069 · Issued by Gary · Approved by Hal Toddman, Esq. · Not approved by anyone else

Visit The Emporium

One location. Zero parking spots that aren't covered in grease.

The Gary's Grease Emporium: a run-down roadside shop with a giant grease can on the roof and Greasy the Donkey out front

69 Finger Butt Drive

Next to the shady Hyundai dealership

Greasy the Donkey rides available out front. $5 per ride, cash only. May bite. Smells like grease (obviously).

Greta lives in the dumpster out back (store map, top right). Knock first. She has stories.

Ask for Alice if you need a receipt. She's the one who actually pays the bills. Ask for Lil Stain Nick if you need... we don't actually know what Nick does.